I love Mother’s Day, so much. Aside from the delicious brunch and yes of course, a baseball game, I always take this time of year to reflect on how it’s all going as a mother to my own two boys. So much changes year to year as the boys grow and as I grow as their mom. I feel it’s important to not only recognize those changes to see how far we’ve come together, but, also to see where we are going.
I’ve definitely graduated into the ‘bigger kid’ stage of mothering. I’m not changing diapers or washing pacifiers or (mostly) dealing with temper tantrums anymore. I’m in the whole make school lunches do homework shuffle kids here and there and everywhere with the appropriate items stage of life. And I’m thriving. I’m right in that sweet spot. Still totally involved, my kids still want and need me, but not in an order to survive type of way that comes along with those younger years. Friends, ages ten and four absolutely rock. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: I absolutely 100% would press pause right now if I could.
Speaking of ten, since when do I live with a legitimate pre teen? Logan is so big. He is a giant kid. He’s always been years ahead size wise, but now that is mixed with age ten approaching eleven and him being bigger is turning into having actual real shoulders and being pounds and inches away from mama. What? How when WHY? I can’t. But then he plops down on top of me like he’s still fifty pounds and wants to sleep with me every single night when Dad travels and still brings his blankie downstairs in the morning and has a phone but rarely uses it ever and all is A OK in the world. And none of that better change. Ever. Amen.
Then there is B, oh B! My how we have grown together. He was that toddler that would scream when the grandparents would come over simply because he thought that meant mama was leaving. How lovely. From about nine months until closer to three he spent the majority of his days attempting to re enter my womb. Attached would not even begin to describe what we went through together. He was his happiest on my hip and I, for the most part, was happy with him there. (Hey, he was heavy!). Yet now he’s the big FOUR and thriving at school and thriving in the yard and running here and there and everywhere with buddies and grandparents and family friends. It’s great to see how develop his little sense of self aside from me, and I can’t wait to see what he does in kindergarten this fall!
This biggest shift that has come along this past year would be the whole ‘put mom first thing’ once in awhile. I’m sleeping and actually taking care of myself better than I have in years but of course that came with growth of my children. B is at longer days at preschool which means I have the space to do more things on my own. Long walks, grocery shopping in peace, and of course, blog blog blog. The break each day is beyond lovely, and I am recharged more than ever when the school bell rings for each of them and I am fully engaged and on duty until they are tucked away asleep at night. Self care is so ‘in’ right now but it’s much easier said than done when you have very little ones in tow. The thought of sleeping well and eating well and exercising well is all so lovely, but, in those earlier years it’s a very serious challenge. Don’t beat yourself up. You’ll get there. And you are doing the best you can – we all are, right?
And that’s just the thing. We are all doing the best we can. I will have days where I have my mom fails. The time I completely forgot to show up as ‘mystery reader’ in L’s classroom or the time I forgot to send pasta to B’s classroom for cooking day or the time I forgot to send L to baseball with a cup and he had to do pushups. I have to remind myself it’s OK. I can’t do everything absolutely perfect as their mom 365 days a year. I am going to mess up. And hopefully it’s all little stuff and nothing to send them into therapy over. And hey, if it is, I promise I’m trying here. Really really hard. Nothing matters more than those two goofballs above.
So Happy Mother’s Day to you. To my wonderful mom. To my mother in laws. To your mom. To mom’s of 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 or more. To women who want to be a mom. I’m on your side. And you are doing a wonderful job.