I was recently encouraged by a friend to tell some real life stories regarding the boys. It amazes me what can happen day to day with these two. As they say, you can’t make this stuff up and I find that especially true when it comes to little boys. So, without further ado, I give you my first motherhood: just for a laugh post.
It was early. Like 3:40AM early. I had just woken up B, did a quick diaper change, into his airport gear he went and I then carried him swiftly down the stairs into the dark. The taxi was already packed. L was buckled in the back. We were good to go.
We picked up my mom right down the street and just like that, in the middle of the night, we were off to O’Hare. I have a love/hate relationship with the 6AM flights. To be honest, B handles them better since he can take a long nap once we arrive at our destination, so that’s a positive. Never mind Mom is a zombie for a day or two.
We breeze(ish) through security, grab some iced coffee and banana bread, and head to our plane. All was grand. I’ve so got this down, traveling with the two boys. Nothing phases me.
They began to board. I waited, as I always do. I think we were the last ones on, B practically ran down the jet bridge to his seat. We buckled in and took off moments later, Scooby Doo playing in the background. Sigh. Again, a confidence-boosting moment.
About a half hour later, B began to stir. Enter C’s bag of tricks! Before every new flight, I stalk the dollar bin at Target for some new fun toys. This time I came across a Superman silly putty. Fantastic! I recall one flight with L when he was entertained by silly putty practically the entire time, so I had high hopes for this purchase.
We began to play, make funny shapes. Then I noticed something. It was sticking. To me, to my purse, to B, to the seat. Huh. Note to self: generic silly putty sucks.
I tried my best to distract B at that point for another new fun toy (look! plastic dinosaurs!), but he only wanted the silly putty. Fineeeeeeee. I will just monitor it.
At one point he playfully pretended to place it on his head (boys????? I will never understand), and I quickly said ‘no, no, not a good idea. Don’t do that.’ He took it down. Whew.
A few minutes later I turned my head, I KID YOU NOT, for 2.5 seconds. 2.5. Just to grab a sip of water. It’s an airplane, I was thirsty! I turned back to monitor the silly putty situation and voila. Guess what is not only on top of B’s head but SMEARED ALL OVER?
That would be the generic silly putty.
The cool easy going mom in me was like ‘oh, no problem. It will pull out.’
It did not.
Enter panicky anixety striken sweating C.
At this point I’m sort of roughly pulling at it to see if there was any hope. Mistake number two. There was none, and at this point B had tears streaming down his face. Gulp. What to do. What to do.
The poor innocent man stuck next to us chimed in ‘ice! Ice will help.’
I poured about 5 of the man’s cubes on B’s head. It did not help. Still screaming.
The woman behind me insisted peanut butter would do the trick. Um ok, let me just grab my Jiffy out of my purse???? She had a small sample that came with some fruit box she brought. Thanks, but again. Not working. Still screaming.
At this point, it’s a scene. L and my mom are across the way. L, is totally oblivious plugged into his Kindle (thanks Grandad). My mom hands me some beautiful glass bottle filled with some expensive face oil (Sorry mom, I owe you). ‘Try this’ she says frantically.
Yeah, that did not work either. Still screaming.
Now about a good three rows front and back around me are involved, but nothing is helping. I’m trying to remain patient and thankful for the suggestions but I finally snap at all the kind people ‘THE ONLY THING THAT WILL FIX THIS IS SCISSORS.’
The flight attendant is near, ‘M’am, you can’t bring scissors on a plane.’
Someone has to have scissors. I know it. I’m sweating.
And I was right. Some one did. I don’t even know where they came from, but all of a sudden I was handed a small pair and just like that SNIP I cut the entire blob off the top of his head.
The best part? B looked up at me, so exhausted from it all, he practically melted into a deep sleep in my lap for the next 1.5 hours. Maybe kind of worth it!?!
As we exited the plane, B, still smeared with the remnants of silly putty, ice, peanut butter, and oils, exclaims ‘I got a haircut on the airplane!’
Yes you did, B. Oh yes you did…