Let’s face it. It’s hard being a mom in today’s day in age. Not to diminish previous generations, at all, but this whole Pinterest social media blasted day and age of mothering can be rough. There are a lot of stereotypes that come into play. How a mom should look. Act. Dress. Going even beyond, and that much more damaging, is how a mom should mother. Not only do we come in all shapes and sizes, but we also all tend to our little(s) differently. Not only is that OK, but it should be celebrated!
With that being said, I could not be more excited to introduce my new series on A Life From Scratch: Moms in Focus. I’ve partnered up with the oh so talented photographer, Michele Ryan of Silver Branch Photography, to bring a you a series that focuses on the beauty of mothering in all different shapes and styles. All of these moms have felt judged in one way or another, and this series has been created to shed light on how that can make a mom feel. Let’s even the playing field a bit, shall we? Deep down at the core, we moms are all really just trying to do our best.
Without further ado, I introduce to you another Mom in Focus: Meet Felicity!
Hi! Tell us a little bit about yourself and three words that describe you as a mom.
I changed my name to Felicity Joy Integra Solomon after a beautiful spiritual experience about 5 years ago. It is truly fitting to my new life as a soon-to-be married single mom and a joyful believer in Jesus Christ. I grew up in Harvey, IL, a close suburb to Chicago; and I’ve been back living here now about 2 years. I have found great fulfillment as I have decided to stop trying to fit my career in a box. In simple terms I am a gypsy, but more specifically I am a speaker, coach/counselor, actor, dancer, soon to be inventor and investor!
Three words that describe me are encourager, free-thinker, and bottom line person. Because that’s who I am as a person, that’s who I am as a mom.
And now tell us about your darling kid(s).
My world-changers are Christian Michael Anthony Jordan 16, and Michaela Christina Jordan 14.
My goal as a mother is to, “train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. One understanding of this Bible verse is to discover who your children were created to be and encourage them in all their giftings, skillsets and personality.
Last year I did a strengths test with my children and found out that Christian is motivated primarily by appreciation of beauty and excellence. He is a very black and white thinker. He is gifted in computers and media, and all forms of performing.
Michaela is motivated by humor, so she is a ton of fun! She is artistic in all performing and visual arts. She is also a gifted choreographer.
My next goal with my children is to identify and teach them the skill set of love languages.
How do you feel your style of mothering is like others?
Like other mothers I want the very best for my children.
Since we’re focusing on judgment that moms experience, what have you felt judged for?
I have felt judgment in that I never worry about my children. People actually find that offensive. I have been judged for being a non-conformist in how I dress and think about myself. I have been judged as a conservative Republican and actually told that it is irresponsible for any black mother to be that way. I have been judged for taking my children to church too much because I think our spiritual development is more important than getting up for school on time. I have been judged for homeschooling my children, that I’m depriving them of socialization. I have been judged for not getting a full-time job because that’s what single mothers have to do. I have been judged for taking my children on too many vacations because I think it’s more important that they experience the world than that I spend all my money on us being able to live alone.
The decision not to get a job came very natural to me. I had no desire for one. I’ve never experienced that kind of life is for me. I felt so much pressure both explicit and implicit from family and friends to get one. Some comments that were made to me were, “now that their dad is leaving, what kind of job or maybe part-time jobs so you think you can get?”, “you are father and mother now, so you have to support the household”, and “would you please go get a job and stop scaring the rest of us?”
Philippians 4:19 in the Bible says that “My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches.” Isaiah 54:5 says, “Thy Maker is thy husband.” And this is why I didn’t get a job. If God is my husband and will supply my needs, then all I need to do is obey His instructions to make sure I’m not messing up His plan. Sometimes getting a job seemed like it would be easier. I would pray about what job and He would say, “No job.”
I did substitute teach for several years while starting and running my businesses. My supervisor was a woman who used to teach my son. She liked me a lot. One day I was so tired of the pressure. I apologized to God and went and applied for a full-time teaching aide position from my friend at the school. She said no she wouldn’t give me the job if I applied. No explanation. It was actually a very awkward conversation. I didn’t even ask why. I just dried my tears, apologized to God again, and stopped asking Him to give me a job. Things have been much easier since then.
How did that make you feel? What was your response to any uncomfortable situations or discussions you’ve been in because of someone judging you (if there have been any)?
When you’re judged for that many things, you either kill yourself in your body or soul, or you decide you don’t care. I tried killing my soul and now have decided I don’t care.
My response to being called ignorant and uneducated yesterday was to ask someone if they could produce their PhD diploma. If a person needs love and understanding, I’m happy to give it to them, if a person wants to dance with me…I’ll dance. I see myself as a humble warrior.
What would you like to tell the world about moms and why it’s important not to judge our choices?
Judgment clouds good thinking. If you want to be fully present for your children and your life, then it would be good to use the energy God gives you on your day and your choices rather than on others. I would also encourage mothers that sowing and reaping, or karma, or whatever you want to call it are real.
I would tell the world that all moms, all parents and in fact, all people…are doing the best they can. It’s a good idea to learn how to forgive.
Tell us your biggest joy about raising your kid(s).
My greatest joy is to understand a little more about my Father God by becoming a parent and knowing what it means to feel responsible for someone’s development and involved in their creation. I also love showing my kids that life is incredibly exciting and belongs to them!
Thank you so much, Felicity, for sharing your time and darling family with us. And let’s just say it – the wonder woman suit completely rocks. You completely pulled it off and love how it’s reflective of the wonderful mom you are!
Want to see more? Head on over to the Moms In Focus Facebook Page – and be sure to follow us along for updates including more moms to come. Yippee!